Ugh

I'm exhausted. Discordia is still missing and I'm here trying to keep everything running. And I can't find a secretary because I'm supposed to be the secretary. So I'm doing a double job over here. All the administration, talking to the higher ups, deciding on what orders to give and sending them out, making coffee, etc. I want Discordia be back to do her job. (Never thought I'd say that.)

The hardest part is studying these runner cases and deciding what to do with them. How am I supposed to decide on another human beings life.. It's hard enough knowing I'm helping Discordia do it. But then I could think of them as just random numbers. Now I have to look at their pictures and read their info. However if I don't do it the higher ups will be the ones ordering my death.

For those interested in knowing who the higher ups are, I don't know either. All I know is that they lead the proxy branches in the entire Benelux. Each of the three countries has its own branch that answers to them. Discordia leads only the Belgian one.
Everything else about them is secret.


Another thing I'm getting stressed out over is the gangs. I'm not intimidating enough to keep them in check for a hundred percent. I don't want to be responsible for losing their loyalty to the Timberwolves or stuff. The Proxies hold on Belgium is rather strong and I'm sure the higher ups want to keep it that way. Discordia intimidating enough to keep them from rebelling so that's another reason I want her back.

(Her being a hot chick might also be a reason. xD Remind me to delete this part when she gets back. <.< )

The worst thing of this all is that I had so much work that I had to miss Christmas. Not that I care about the presents, I don't get any. But ever since I became a proxy Christmas was the only day I allowed myself to get close enough to my family to see them. The rest of the year I keep them safe from far away. But I guess I'll have to wait another year to visit them. I miss them.

-Mark